Short Story

Smart Car 25


Duke looked out his front window while drinking coffee and was shocked to see all three cars –Carl, Josie and Deuce in pieces in the yard. He rushed out to find what had happened. Before he could get a close look at the debris, he heard honking from the back of the house and all of the cars assembled undamaged. They sang in harmony “Fooled the fool, ha ha ha.

A happy Duke told the cars “That was a really good joke, I believed it completely. How did you do it?”
Josie volunteered “We had a human friend fabricate parts of us and scatter them on the yard. I guess that makes us the prank winners.”
Duke smiled broadly and agreed “It sure does. As a reward, I’ll do a two-hour comedy routine to amuse all of you.”

Before the cars could react, Duke punched a button on a remote and told them. “Just to be sure that you stick around for my primo material, I’ve used my gadget that immobilizes and silences cars for blocks around.”
I won’t torture the readers as the cars were tortured, but this should give you an idea:

“Why is a sick raptor against the law? Because it is ill eagle.”
“I was asked what a broken off tree is called, but I was stumped.”
“If you know the way to San Jose, you are smarter than Dionne Warwick.”
Those were the good ones. Given the level of abuse, even Duke’s silencer couldn’t completely mute the groaning from the cars.
An hour and fifteen minutes into Duke’s standup, an old woman who looked like Sheila, but fifty years older, came out and asked, “What’s up?”

Duke deactivated the immobilizer / silencer and he and the cars asked “Who are you?”
The woman said “Don’t be silly Duke, I’m Sheila.” 
All the cars and Duke assumed that Sheila got herself made up to look old. To test it, Duke caressed her face which seemed completely natural. Next, he grasped her saggy butt which also seemed natural. That got him a swift kick from ‘Sheila’.

“Sheila, what happened? How did you age like that overnight?” 
Sheila then came through the door laughing. “Meet my grandmother for whom I’m named. Both of us are Sheila. I snuck her into the house last night so I could out fool you fools.”

Duke and the cars were more relieved than irritated. The humans had some brandy, and everyone was glad the pranks were over. Before they could get comfortable, Deuce yelled “It’s a meteor headed right for us.”
Indeed, a flaming round object was headed from great altitude at speed. The people jumped into Carl and they all started fleeing. Before they could get far, the object from the sky slowed and landed gently on the lawn.

A door started to creak open. The people and cars had images of War Of The Worlds and other extraterrestrial attacks, but their old friend Eugene Springfield, a human billionaire emerged. “What do you think of my newest invention? I think with a little tinkering, it will greatly advance space exploration. If not that, it can be used for special parties like today.”

Deuce told Eugene “Greatest prank of the day.”
The elder Sheila argued, no it was young Sheila.
Carl and Josie said, “We were best, and Duke was lame.”
Duke threatened another hour of standup, which caused the two cars to drop it.