Short Story

Smart Car 24

Saint Patrick’s Day

Duke wandered out into the yard and asked, “Hey cars, do you know what day it is?”
The cars chorused “St. Patrick’s Day, the day that celebrates the patron saint of Ireland.”
Duke told the cars “It is a special day for me because I’m 8% Irish or something like that. About the same percentage indigenous American, but I don’t know the rest. I’m something of a mutt. More to the point, I love corned beef and cabbage, hold the cabbage. What do you guys know about Ireland?”

Josie the car said “I love Oscar Wilde. ‘I can resist anything but temptation’. He really was wild. He suffered greatly from the prejudices of his place and time, not that people are perfect now.”
Deuce the car chimed in with “The Irish are known for their artists, actors, writers and poets – James Joyce, George Bernard Shaw, and William Butler Yeats in the past and now they dominate European cinema with the Dublin studios. The biggest movie this year was the Collin Studios production of “Mindphone Romance”.

Sheila walked out into the yard with a cup of Irish coffee in hand and contributed “Some of those Irish actors earlier in the century were really yummy – Pierce Brosnan, Liam Neeson.”
Duke added “Even earlier, one more to my liking – Maureen O’Hara”.
Carl the car said “Let me tell you what I know about Irish-English history. Ed. Note. The two-hour speech was deleted because we hope to get this published in a UK journal. 
Sheila said “Back on topic. Saint Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland. He is known for driving the snakes out of Ireland.”

Around that time, the gang looked at Josie and noticed that she had been performing her favorite Van Morrison songs – Gloria, Moondance, Domino and others at increasing volume. Like a few virtuoso cars, she could sing, make the orchestration all while talking.
Deuce said, “I drove the hyenas out of Oregon.”
Sheila told him “But there never were hyenas in Oregon”
“There weren’t any snakes in Ireland either.”

Duke returned from the house with a bottle and three glasses and told the cars “You can do what you like to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day – the humans are having some good Irish whiskey.”
Josie said, “I’m turning green for Saint Patrick’s Day.”
Duke asked, “Aren’t you good environmentally now?”
“No, what I meant is that I’m literally green. I can switch colors. See – I’m green now.”

Deuce said “Based on what I know of Irish history, I’m going to mess with people. I’m going with orange and green stripes.”
Josie added “I’ve never been told and I haven’t looked in a mirror. What color am I?”
Carl told her “Deep Purple, my favorite color.”

Josie took a break from Van Morrison and sang the American standard “Deep Purple” as a duet with male and female voices, followed by Deep Purple’s oldie “Smoke On The Water”. The odd coupling didn’t have any known Irish connection, but everyone loved her performance. Duke and Sheila clapped and Carl and Deuce honked.
Despite some foolish and even dangerous behavior, the humans and cars all survived Saint Patrick’s Day safely.